Enough with the self-loathing, already! Whatever people are going to think of me, they are going to think. I'm referring to one person who probably has no idea I'm referring to her.

I care way too much about what she thinks, as if her opinion is right. And even if her opinion is justified, without her knowing all the facts, her conclusions are normally false or misrepresented by what she sees, only. Why don't I care what I think? I'm having these self-deprecating, defeating thoughts, and it's only because I can think of them. I've been told to pray, but when you have such thoughts, a good, soulful prayer can be challenging to come by because of the lack of humility.

I was about to publicly shame myself, which is something Oprah said she realized she did in her decision to expose her feelings about herself and her battle with weight on her January 2009 cover. It was a lesson for her not to do that again. I, too, will take that lesson, Oprah. Thank you. All I can is say that I made mistakes, and I wish I hadn't, but they happened. Am I going to punish myself for the rest of my life, like I had planned? No. I believe the Universe is trying to get me to stop doing that. I'm running out of options, and thus, it's teaching me that I don't have to to punish myself for my mistakes and that life has a way of working itself out. I guess I'm embarrassed about what this person sees, and I feel judged by it, knowing that what she sees will be made known to someone.

Still, I cannot hide, I guess, and maybe that is the purpose of her being in my life--to not let me hide. So, I'm thankful for her, and I pray that whatever is exposed, whether it's within my control, or not, is dismantled and, if necessary, put back together in a way that exposes my real truth--the one that says it's okay to be me, no matter what.

Now, there--a prayer. :)

Amen.

I love you.
Yvette