And why don't some men like to help one another? Is it because they fear they won't benefit from that man's success or happiness? That they only benefit when the man is down? I love men, but only the really smart and secure ones, at this point. I mean, come on, men! What is up with you and your insecurities? Get it together! You don't know what we, as women, go through. And I'm not complaining because I'm glad to be a woman. If I was a man, I don't know what I would do. (I was just thinking that the other day--how much depth we have, Women.) You guys don't seem to have much depth--at least, most of you don't know what or where it is. There are exceptions, and I'm proud to say I know a couple of men who are sincere in their efforts to get close to God and to love one another despite it all. Still, for the rest of you, When does gratitude turn into low self-esteem, low confidence, low expectations? In other words, How grateful do I have to be before I can say something? You know, start complaining?
I mean, I have things on my mind, and the more I hold them in, the more I feel stressed. So, how do I say this nicely?
No. I cannot do anything for you that you want me to do when you want me to do it because I am not God.
No. I will not listen to everything you have to say and then when it's my turn you are no longer interested.
No. I will not deal with you and your impatience anymore. If you can't wait, well, that's too bad.
No. I am not going to argue with you over foolishness. That's just too much.
No. You cannot take away from family time just because you need something done. I need to set some boundaries. Up, Up Up, they go!
No. You cannot talk to me any way you want just because that's how you feel. If I did it every time I felt it, then you wouldn't be able to stand yourself.
So, why should I not be able to stand myself for you? Why should I dumb myself down for you? Keep quiet for you? Who are you? You're not my dictator. (My father, by the way, who lost dictatorship privileges 18 years ago is one of the men to whom I'm writing but who won't be reading this.) You are my family! ACT LIKE IT!! Act like you love me!! I love you. I truly do. I love you, love you, love you with all my heart. But, you're not going to break it anymore. You don't own that right. You own the right to love me, and I own the right to love you. Love is love. Give it. Love is love. Show it. Not instant "I gotta get something for Christmas" love or "I gotta find out what's going on or else I am not benefiting" love or "I got something to say but I'm not going to say anything for fear of being shut out" love. How about some "I'm going to love you for who you are and that's it, no strings attached. No, really, no strings." love? Show love, real love. Just pure, authentic, truthful love. And I certainly can't expect those things from you if I have problems loving me. I have to be honest, I've shown, "I don't really like you. In fact, I can't stand you, but I tolerate you because you're family" love. Woosah! And I apologize to anyone who may have felt that kind of love, from me, because I love you; I really do, and I am going to do better, from here--on out, but don't hold it against me if I fall off the wagon because I'm not perfect. It's a work in progress--a new way of living, and I have to adjust to it.
So, here are my promises to you:
Yes. I promise to love you, even if I have to love you at a distance.
Yes. I promise to support you in anything that makes you happy.
That's all I can promise, for now. It's a start. I think it's a good start, and I'm proud of myself for coming up with them.
I hope that our relationship becomes better, from here--on out. I believe it will because I'm committed to it.
I Love You!
Yvette
(Of course, my question, along with many women's, is in reference to those really smart and secure men. Does a man like that really exist? And I say, Yes, they do, Ladies. Somewhere inside all of them, he exists.)
