And why don't some men like to help one another? Is it because they fear they won't benefit from that man's success or happiness? That they only benefit when the man is down? I love men, but only the really smart and secure ones, at this point. I mean, come on, men! What is up with you and your insecurities? Get it together! You don't know what we, as women, go through. And I'm not complaining because I'm glad to be a woman. If I was a man, I don't know what I would do. (I was just thinking that the other day--how much depth we have, Women.) You guys don't seem to have much depth--at least, most of you don't know what or where it is. There are exceptions, and I'm proud to say I know a couple of men who are sincere in their efforts to get close to God and to love one another despite it all. Still, for the rest of you, When does gratitude turn into low self-esteem, low confidence, low expectations? In other words, How grateful do I have to be before I can say something? You know, start complaining?
I mean, I have things on my mind, and the more I hold them in, the more I feel stressed. So, how do I say this nicely?
No. I cannot do anything for you that you want me to do when you want me to do it because I am not God.
No. I will not listen to everything you have to say and then when it's my turn you are no longer interested.
No. I will not deal with you and your impatience anymore. If you can't wait, well, that's too bad.
No. I am not going to argue with you over foolishness. That's just too much.
No. You cannot take away from family time just because you need something done. I need to set some boundaries. Up, Up Up, they go!
No. You cannot talk to me any way you want just because that's how you feel. If I did it every time I felt it, then you wouldn't be able to stand yourself.
So, why should I not be able to stand myself for you? Why should I dumb myself down for you? Keep quiet for you? Who are you? You're not my dictator. (My father, by the way, who lost dictatorship privileges 18 years ago is one of the men to whom I'm writing but who won't be reading this.) You are my family! ACT LIKE IT!! Act like you love me!! I love you. I truly do. I love you, love you, love you with all my heart. But, you're not going to break it anymore. You don't own that right. You own the right to love me, and I own the right to love you. Love is love. Give it. Love is love. Show it. Not instant "I gotta get something for Christmas" love or "I gotta find out what's going on or else I am not benefiting" love or "I got something to say but I'm not going to say anything for fear of being shut out" love. How about some "I'm going to love you for who you are and that's it, no strings attached. No, really, no strings." love? Show love, real love. Just pure, authentic, truthful love. And I certainly can't expect those things from you if I have problems loving me. I have to be honest, I've shown, "I don't really like you. In fact, I can't stand you, but I tolerate you because you're family" love. Woosah! And I apologize to anyone who may have felt that kind of love, from me, because I love you; I really do, and I am going to do better, from here--on out, but don't hold it against me if I fall off the wagon because I'm not perfect. It's a work in progress--a new way of living, and I have to adjust to it.
So, here are my promises to you:
Yes. I promise to love you, even if I have to love you at a distance.
Yes. I promise to support you in anything that makes you happy.
That's all I can promise, for now. It's a start. I think it's a good start, and I'm proud of myself for coming up with them.
I hope that our relationship becomes better, from here--on out. I believe it will because I'm committed to it.
I Love You!
Yvette
(Of course, my question, along with many women's, is in reference to those really smart and secure men. Does a man like that really exist? And I say, Yes, they do, Ladies. Somewhere inside all of them, he exists.)
Brilliant, important, timely, and essential. We, men, have some evolving to do, and time is of the essence. Over millennia, we’ve been conditioned to accept stereotypes of ourselves, so that our primary goal in life is to become a ‘man.’ Unfortunately, in the process of such an inherently limited venture, we lose sight of becoming fully human.
ReplyDeleteWhy did we ever embrace such limited, gender-based bifurcation in the first place? If our internal organs could write books, I doubt the heart would have ever come up one entitled, “The Left ventricle is from Mars, the Right ventricle from Venus.” Methinks were missing the forest for the pistil and the stamen.
Thank you, Yvette! I pray that I haven’t stopped learning and that am able to embrace and synthesize your clarion call. I admit that I am not perfect, but I’m not so sure that I always realize that I am perfectly human. Perhaps in doing so, I might better understand that there is always room for growth and understanding and embrace this journey toward wholeness and totality.
I love you tremendously, and I hope you know that. I am blessed and honored to be sharing this existence with you.
Tracy
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your feedback. You would be one of the responders, as you were one of the couple of men whom I know have evolved past the masculine cries that our society demands of its male counterparts. I love you! I'm glad to know you, and although I'll need a dictionary to understand some of what you wrote, I'm glad to know that you've introduced some thought that would allow me to explore my knowledge even further. :) You are the best, Tracy. I mean it, the best!
Love,
Yvette
Simone Serengeti writes:
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know where to begin! I don't have good luck with relationships, I love too hard, I've been told. I understood every letter of your composition. I thoroughly understand.
Loving and never having it reciprocated is a hard pill to swallow. I've been there time and time and time and time again. You give your all to someone and slapped in the face for deeply loving someone, wether it's literally or figuratively speaking.
I have this saying hanging on my wall " Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." It takes a lot of courage to wear your heart on your sleeve, a lot. It makes you vulnerable for the one you're loving. Being willfully vulnerable is courageous, to say the least. For it requires one to exert energy, what one perceives to be positive energy. Until that energy is absorbed by another and taken for granted, not wanting, not respected, not reciprocated, but taken for granted. Then and only then does it, love become draining.
Strength comes from knowing that you both have each others back, that you will encourage each other, grow with each other, be kind and respect the thoughts, feelings and desires of each other. Love is a strength builder. According to the Word that is what it, love, is meant to be. Even when it comes to "Self Love", love for family and friends, love for your neighbor, etc. Love has become so complex, when it really isn't. It's not opinionated, it's not rejection, it's not disrespect, it's not hurtful, it's not ugly. Love is really a beautiful thing and any and everybody can benefit from it. Until we all learn the true meaning, the true beauty of love, there will continue to be chaos, hatred, misunderstandings, disrespect, the list is endless. The list is end less.
The bottom line is to be true to U, for until then the misconceptions of love will continue and the cycle will be endless. Learn to love U and know U, which within itself is a task, for at almost fifty, I'm still learning and getting to know self. It's a task, for we're forever evolving, forever. Nothing remains the same, nothing. So, continue to evolve Luv, and eventually things will turn around. Leave the past in the past and concentrate on the here and now. Don't even think about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself! It will.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox!
Wow, Simone, thanks for your comment. It speaks to the, seemingly, elusive power of the relationship between man and woman, which is not elusive at all, actually. It is merely misunderstood, has lost its comprehension somewhere during our journey together. It may have even started in the Garden of Eden. I'm sure Adam was pissed at Eve for eating that fruit, and then for Adam to say to God, "Well, she made me do it" is so typical of a scaredy-cat man! If the tables were reversed, she would have at least tried to give God a "wink" to get both of them off! I appreciate your every word.
ReplyDeleteI love you!
Yvette
Amen! For some reason men think we are suppose to stroke their ego and place them high when obviously they don't consider themselves to be of high caliber. Because if they did, they would understand our feelings and emotions. They would listen to us and return what it is they feel we are not giving them. I know what you are going through. Just press on. Be who you are. Love yourself. Pray continously. God loves and that's what's important.
ReplyDeleteMuch love back at cha,
Tina
"God loves". Wow, that's powerful and ever-factual at the same time because He loves always. That brings great comfort, to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tina!
Love you!
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI looked up the words, you're brilliant!
:D
Yvette