I am having some very interesting experiences in this spiritual place, right now. I feel hollowed out, and I just want you to know that it is a great feeling being empty inside. I'm not talking about feeling empty, which has to do with self-worth and value. I'm mean being empty, which has to do with having been turned upside-down and forcing all that's inside of you outside. These things that were inside of me had nothing to do with who I was. I was filled up with needlessness, things that didn't matter. I didn't have a clue who I was, anymore. I was lost, and although I'm not sure where I am right now, I do know that I have been found. I've been found and emptied of all the trash and debris that was inside of me. I'm being worked on in the factory, and things are beginning to change for me. In the not-too-distant past, my prayer was for God to change me. I got tired of praying and complaining about the mishaps and shortcomings of others, and I decided that the only way I would see change is if it were through my eyes. I didn't realize until later that I wanted to see others with compassionate and patient eyes, instead of disappointment. Once startled out of the fear of what change could bring, I was able to accept the revelation of change. I was able to see me for me. I didn't have to pay a price to see me, anymore. I was selling myself off bit by bit. Now, I didn't have to pay a price of compromise or consequence or spreading myself too thin or guarded walls or insecurity or doubt or the biggest price of all, fear. I feared a lot, and I do still deal with fear, but I don't let it consume me. For instance, if I fall prey to it, I no longer let it overwhelm me and take me over. Instead, I just accept it and move onto the next thing. I know a lot of you have been able to deal with fear a little better than me for a long time now, but I'm just learning to accept that fear is a part of life and that it doesn't mean I can't do something when it shows up. In fact, now, its mere presence means to me that I can.
With love,
Yvette
No comments:
Post a Comment